Tag Archives: how to be a horrible host

HOW TO BE A HORRIBLE HOST

how-to-be-a-horrible-host
Sure, there are lots of extra things you can do to be the ultimate host: fresh flowers, candles, extravagant meals made from scratch. Those things are great, but really not necessary to show your friends a good time.

There are some things, though, that need to be done to keep your guests from wanting to walk out. And I think sometimes the best way to learn is through what not to do! So, here are a few tips for how to be a horrible host:

Don’t clean your apartment, not even a little.
Let’s be clear about this: your place doesn’t necessarily have to be pristine. But various clothing items and shoes strewn about and dirty dishes in the sink can make guests feel like they are intruding or maybe you forgot they were coming over in the first place. Make sure your straightening up includes cleaning the table or where ever you intend people to eat, having enough dishes and silverware for them to eat with, and making sure your bathroom isn’t gross.

Shame people for not eating your food.
There comes a point in life where you have to accept that other people may not like the things you like. Sure, it can seem a little rude to let someone make you dinner and then not eat it. But you never know if they’re battling stomach issues or just an embarrassingly picky eater. Let it go. Hopefully whatever you made makes for good leftovers. (This is even more important when it comes to someone not drinking alcohol, by the way.)

Text / check your phone throughout the night.
The only thing worse than having people to your house who then sit on their phones the whole night is going to someone else’s house and having them sit on their phone the whole night. This has happened to me a few times, and I always feel like maybe I’m subpar entertainment for my host and want to leave. Not cool.

Be incredibly stressed the entire time.
As much as people appreciate you putting hard work into a night for them, if it’s causing you to stress out the whole time it’s probably not worth it. This is why make-ahead meals are great, and if cooking is out of the option for you, just order some good takeout and get some nice wine. Chances are no one will care, and everyone will have a better time!

There are, as with all things, exceptions to the rules. But generally speaking, these are good ones to follow. Or, rather, not follow!